Love in the time of Covid

It's been a week.

This girl joined instagram.
And this girl started a weight lifting regime.
And this girl lost 4 pounds.
And this girl is going to hit her threshold soon.

And then this girl's 4:30 am writing session is interrupted by her potty training 3 year old who walks into the kitchen and wants to cuddle back in bed.

And then this girl was grounded for 3 weeks from going to teach.
Love in the time of Covid.

I get to this sweet spot of a couple of good smooth scheduled days and then one wheel falls off and then another wheel falls off. And then I'm right back to a long period of sedentary living with me still with the pile of to dos, and what ifs, and I should. Also a worldwide pandemic sweeps the country and I’m working from home with no open gym and endless bottles of wine and two little ones under foot.

Rachel Hollis talks about meeting the threshold in her book Girl Go Wash your Face. The gist of what she says is that a person tries to build a new habit and then they get to the threshold. It takes alot to dig deep and surpass that threshold and make it move to a new spot. Bottom line: it takes work to move that needle over the long haul.

How does a person make a new threshold? As an Enneagram 8, I have a thirst for high paced energy. I can get shit done. This is a skill and an asset in many arenas. But it can be a buzzkill for others around me. It’s hard for people to keep up with me and then they get annoyed. Here is the cycle: An idea is generated. I take it and I'm off to the races But I run this same cycle. Something gets tangled up and I have to stop. I'm trying to figure out what the tangle is. Laziness? No. Burnt out? No. Afraid? No. Unsure? No. I go over the possibilities and I’m left to wonder, what would it take to move the threshold to a new level. How do I level up?

In this house, there are starts and stops. There are wet beds and lunches to pack. There are reports for work and sheets to be changed. There are unread books and barbie dolls. There is a leather couch which is so comfortable. There is love. What if I used a new lens to view the threshold? What if I used a threshold of love to look at my leveling up? Love for self. Love for each other. Love for this house we are creating. Maybe I don't know how to love enough?

What I learned? Maybe something I can be thirsty for is love. MLK Love. Outlander love. Friday night cuddle on the couch love. Spooning on Sunday morning love. The I don't wanna live without you love.

What I did? I started asking people: what love looked like and sounded like. I sent out a text to 20 people I love and respect. I asked them, “What does love look like?” and “What does love sound like”? Several never responded. Many hesitated. A handful sent in beautiful responses of deep and meaningful words. One said that love looked like a sunrise on a quiet summer day; sounds like the world's best symphony playing an adagio movement. She’s been married 60+ years. Despite my attempt at narrative research, none matched what I thought of when I visualized the lens of love. Then Jack Ridl read his poem “LIVE” on Facebook and I had my answer. I will start taking love for granted.