better with time


My whole life I have suffered with what I like to call the Halverson Plague. It's the surge of energy I get when I'm pressed against a deadline. I thrive in the chaos of pressure. It's the normal.  Lately, I have wondered if chaos has to be my baseline. As an enneagram 8, it is a valuable strength of mine: to be laser focused under pressure and preform. But...does it have to be the baseline for my standard? Can I invite a peaceful feeling into my experiences?

Cue: Being a mom. I thrive in the pressure but do my kids? NO...they do not. At least that's what I think as of today.

My oldest daughter has a report due for school. We had three weeks to complete this project at home 100%. We hit the ground running and in the first three days we has the notes taken on the Basking Shark. Then time moved forward but the project didn't. It's due Monday. On Thursday night I say "How exciting! We get to work on the project over the weekend." There is a meltdown from my daughter "How will we ever get it done?" She's right. How will we get it done? I have an image of Sunday night yelling; me with a glue stick pasting the poster after everyone has gone to bed; crying and tears flowing freely. Now the chaos is not looking attractive. I don't feel like my best self; I feel like my alter ego is starting to surface: Angry Mom.

Listen, there is shit we have to do. Writing a report DOES NOT GET BETTER. 1987 called and they want to know how your homework is going. But I get better.

I picked up girl from school. Grab snacks at local gas station and head to the library. YES-the library. We could work on equal ground; no domestic distractions to get us off track. It was just me, the girl and a National Geographic tri-fold of facts. We set up a table and worked- till the work got done. Then we took a break for dinner. And by bedtime on Friday: the glue stick was retired and the mom for the win dance was happening. I even got a "Nice job, Mom" compliment from Dad. Needless to day, we did the "Homework Free" dance all weekend.


Why is this important to reflection: I potentially created a new memory for my daughter regarding the joy of getting done early. She now has experienced the wonder of stress free homework experience. And me: I too get to move that normalaize gage just a little- a tat less chaos and a bit more peace. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 11, 2019 at 8:05 AM

    I'm so glad you rebooted your writing self. This essay is particularly wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing the experience. "You get better" is such a relevant and timely reminder.

    ReplyDelete

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